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This is an anonymous blog and you are invited to comment anonymously on it. You can subscribe if you wish or follow anonymously as well. This is to invite as much honesty as possible from me and you, an open sharing less concerned with performing than listening, communicating, opening to ourselves and each other.

Monday, September 27, 2010

fear of exposure

Hi there folks.  Tomorrow my work gets exposed, which feels like I'm getting exposed.  Had a long rehearsal today and was scared and happy and scared again as I had to confront a more traditional approach to work I have developed over time into a far more experimental approach.  People were game and there was willingness to see how it worked but a certain limitation in terms of understanding what 'it' and 'works' might mean.  I'm playing around with some recognizable conventions so there is a temptation to read the whole thing within that frame, but it simply can't be read that way without delimiting it.  On the other hand, it's a draft of a piece and so it does most likely need more work and right now I can't see what is mine to change and what is stuff that needs to change in the approach.

This is the great experiment in working with a director who is Not Me.  Scary, scary, scary.  And probably good, I guess.  Jury's out and I'm sorry if I'm boring anyone who may be following this blog with this story but at least you know this part ends tomorrow.  I also know I can take on someone else's POV, especially if it's critical of me, so the combo of the 'normal theatre' onslaught plus knowing people Of Stature will be at the reading, etc., etc. makes me nervous that I will cave and suddenly start trying to make the play Look More Normal...which is ridiculous of course since I couldn't do that if I wanted to...but still.

OK, so I need to go to sleep now as much work awaits in the morning including buying stuff for reception and hopefully getting up early enough for a much-needed AA meeting to ground me in the greater reality: it's just a reading!!!!

But still, because I believe in this kind of thing, if around 3pm Eastern Time you find yourself thinking of me and this event, please send along a kind thought or prayer or whatever works for you.  Because I can use it.  I can use the energy I feel from you already.

Love and good wishes....from my heart to yours.

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