OK so this is home - wild + miracles!

So, I've discovered by coming home to where I live that while it doesn't always feel like home, it is home.  So when jet lagged and on the bus back from the train station and I see the regular fake homeless guy outside the run down-still-disputed-and-not-yet-renovated-boarded-up-cinema-that-may-become-a-Brazilian-church, I think OK yeah, I know this place.  (By the way, the fake homeless guy is fake because his skin is clear and washed, his clothes are clean and he just does not have the conviction or desperation of the real homeless, like the ones in the U.S., who have leathery skin, a haunted, hungry look and usually smell incredibly bad because they actually don't have a shower option.  Also my adopted country has an incredibly liberal housing policies and you have to basically be beyond caring to not have at least hostel accommodation and basic benefits.  Plus the two fake homeless guys in the area also have pink mobile phones and share a sad looking dog and hat.  Seriously.)

Home itself was a bit rockier, with a refrigerator gone (one will be here on Saturday - finally!) and stuff a bit askew as my husband has been traveling too.  Had a good cry the next morning after many hours of sleep and so landing, landing gradually here.  Home is where you can cry your eyes out maybe?

Also going to my AA meeting where I have been going for years and seeing people I haven't seen for 3 weeks who actually missed me, and knowing, just knowing I was in the right place.  Then seeing a friend with terminal cancer in the meeting and her sadness, holding her through some of it, her being scared of results of tests that day, then the joy at getting her text that part of the cancer cleared - actually just Went Away!  Which is amazing, amazing, amazing...we have all been praying for her, keeping in touch and supporting how we can.  She has stayed incredibly strong, been reaching out for help while supporting her son and husband through all this as they support her.  And she's only 2 years sober...it is truly inspiring and gives me so much hope.  And I get to know all this and be a part of all this because I've been going to the same meeting for Years and gotten to know a lot of people there.  This is a miracle too.

Then the scary bit today: back to the therapist - yikes!  The Really Good Therapist who just doesn't let me get away with Anything...scary, scary...and amazing.  And realizing how deep my abandonment issues go and how much work there still is to do and hoping I have both the time and money to keep up the work because I can finally see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel on this stuff but know there's still some mining operations left to do and some tricky maneuvers...so, we'll see but today I'm thinking, I will commit to 6 more months and see this thing through.  So sick of stopping just short of the mark and thinking, oh, it's OK, I can get the rest of this On My Own...etc.

Yesterday got on the wrong bus home being more jet lagged than I thought but no harm done, just a little more walking.

Start teaching some classes next week and need to prepare for that, also do some rewrites after letting the reading settle and keep track of dates for this and that...but want to keep my creative work at the forefront, it's been getting swamped in the endless swamp of 'admin' lately and this needs to shift.  I'm weirdly looking forward to the teaching as I want to make it fun and have decided I will learn stuff too.  Don't want it to be paint by numbers but a creative adventure of its own.  I am told the students are engaged and engaging, so this is great news.  That always makes it a pleasure.

So here's to creativity and service, wild rides and finding home...happy October!