Hi everyone,
just for anyone who's been following and enjoying the Saga of the Refrigerator...yes, Virginia, we do now have a refrigerator but Not without drama-rama of landlord saying one place couldn't deliver and then another could and then freaking out (him that is, not me!) when I offered to help and then freaking out again when it got delivered as they forgot to call him so by the time he came over it was in place and he got angry at me for the fact it was in place as he had to take it back down to change the door...because of course I should know that right??? I kept telling him he wasn't angry at me but at the delivery people and his response to that was to say loudly that of course it wasn't my problem so please stop talking to him (for the record, I wasn't talking to him as I was in another room trying to get a module guide prepared for innocent undergrads) and then returning to say: you know what really upsets me is that the gas was left on when you were gone! (This he had told me already and involved the time I was away and so Bill had left it on, but Bill was not there, so it was my fault, even though it wasn't)....
So Anyway, with my history especially, this was crazy making - I did raise my voice, louder than I ever do except when completely furious and said "You have to stop blaming me for things that are not my fault. I will not accept this." And this led him to continue to talk to himself as if I was talking to him, etc...
Anyway, I just finally ignored him, continued my work and he changed the door, etc...when he Finally left, I had a non-working refrigerator (which needed to 'settle' for 24 hours even tho the delivery people said 4 hours, my landlord would have Freaked Out if I turned it on before 24 hours, so I just thought, dear God, I can't stand it anymore, I'll wait 24 hours in case he decides to come in later and Check)...
So now today, it is working and it is tiny, which is a bummer except for the one good bit is I can now reach the freezer without a step-ladder, to get whatever teeny tiny thing we might put in there...etc.
Other than that...I suddenly was asked to teach two university courses and am now scrambling to get everything ready for that and my orientation tomorrow, and I feel not surprisingly like it's my first day at school...since it, well, is...this is a place I haven't taught before so it's exciting for that reason plus the fact I have designed one module and one I am teaching has been designed and I will have to read so much for that one I'll basically get a free class except I'm teaching it.
Grounding back in meetings, too, and saw a great friend yesterday and was able to make her dinner, which always feels good to do. My husband is away and will be back tomorrow, so my jet lag has settled back in and I'm getting up later, etc. I do this anyway when left to my own devices, but with teaching I need to get up earlier, so so so...
And now my mother just called and I had an OK conversation with her - but she went into the long Saga of the Stepson and the Ex-Wife and their two sons and I have a hard time listening because she talks about a dysfunctional active alcoholic family dynamic like it's something that is 'just so sad' while actually being judgmental and when of course she was the 'crazy woman' when I was growing up and has no self-awareness of that at all when talking about 'them' and 'that sad situation' which in the end is somewhat crazy-making for me.
What is it I wonder - you start getting better, healthier, lighter and then the stink bugs of the universe start coming after you...hmmmmm....
So this is clearly the Venting Blog tonight folks...sorry if it's tedious. But then again I have to keep remembering this is for my healing in the end and only if it is that can it possibly be of use to anyone else...speaking of which a person in my meeting was speaking about absolutely horrendous abuse from her childhood and I remember when she first came around the meetings and she was Angry and luckily for her she Knew it and she would rant and rave and I thought...hmmm...this chick has a chance, she's being honest...and now, a few years later, she's on her way to some sanity and serenity and she's still amazingly dynamic and gorgeous and great but she's not so tortured and damn if that isn't a miracle, especially with her background which involved systematic abuse. It is so inspiring this AA thing, I just can't even explain how many miracles I get to witness on like an almost daily basis. Blessed, blessed, blessed, I am...yes for all the psychic stink bugs - I am one of the lucky ones, and I know it. And that's a blessing too.
So now what I should do with all this gratitude in this moment is stop blogging and start reading the material I need to teach on Tuesday so I can be free to be 'oriented' tomorrow. Oh, during a strike in public transport too! Hooray!
Oh that reminds me, before I go do what I should, one more rant: the Conservative Government here is Hellbent on Destroying Everything...it's incredible. I mean they may be changing some things that need to be changed, but as I am from the US where there are checks and balances, watching this freight train of Total Change coming my way (and it does look from my angle like the lights of the oncoming train and Not the light at the end of the tunnel...) wow, it's scary. I know in the larger cosmic scheme of things, all is well and whatnot, but down here on the ground, yikes!
More will be revealed....and it might not be pretty....but then again, who knows? Weird things happen all the time and perhaps the law of unintended consequences might bend into the light this time. That would be amazing, but wasn't I just talking about miracles before? Maybe the final the big one the miracle of miracles Will occur and people will Wake the Fuck Up to what is going on with global capitalism...but there I go again...dreaming...
be well, my friends and sweet dreams...
No comments:
Post a Comment