feeling much better now

Hi folks,
Just a note to say that sitting through the blues has done the trick as usual...that and doing some writing and cleaning my office and enjoying the weather...also burned a bunch of papers that had to do with some counseling I did around my abortion a while back, and then planted the ashes underneath a plant a friend gave me in the garden.  This felt right and like it unlocked some energy that was quite stagnant and had to do with lingering guilt and shame.  Only afterwards did I realize it was Easter and somehow this seems appropriate as the counseling was by a lovely but somewhat Christian lady who I think figured the only way to recover from abortion is to repent.  This was a weird situation and one I decided to walk through because of my Baptist background, and I think it was the right thing to do, but I think in some ways it made me feel worse, so the point is burning all the writing I did for that seemed right...releasing energy trapped in an unhealthy process and releasing the remnants of guilt and shame.  And it worked, which is amazing.

Also, feeling more and more grounded by the day in what I am doing...sometimes feeling sad about the theatre company but then all I have to do is think about what I would be having to do right now to keep it going and then poof the regret is gone.  It doesn't mean I won't do theater again but it does mean I'm done with this manifestation, and that's OK.  Also realizing how many writing ideas I have and how many projects I want to work on so this is clearly the path...

Right now editing down the piece I posted here about my father's death.  I may send it out for possible publication, and it would need to be half the length, so it's turned into an excruciating and incredibly good writing exercise to do this.  I worked for about 6 straight hours on it yesterday and did not finish, but felt a sense of accomplishment somehow...I think I will need to do this mix of the long projects and the short ones.

So I'm basically feeling quite good, and in a simple way.  Freer than in ages and like I'm doing what I'd be doing if someone told me I had terminal cancer.  This is a very good feeling.  Today was about cleaning on many levels and that seems right too...

Onward we go...feeling rooted in some firmer soil,  amazing...I am just amazed...

Happy Easter!  or Passover or Whatever it Is you celebrate...It's a lovely day.