Still teary but better

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to quickly write and say I'm not in the excruciatingly horrendous place I was when I wrote the last post.  I'm still quite emotional and have since found out that being menopausal or peri-menopausal means that hormones are all over the shop and depression is part of it...I'm also light-headed a lot which is hard, too.  Went to doctor and will have MRI and will see if my fall last April is the culprit here or what.  I find not knowing what's going on with me physically very scary.  I'm also proud of myself for going to doctors and insisting on care, even if I then kind of back down and soft-pedal it...it's weird.
Was in therapy today and overwhelmed with the amount of times I said/say "I don't know" and a lot of times as an evasion...it's kind of depressing.
I'm exhausted now because I taught today early, was suddenly being peer-reviewed without notice and then to therapy then to an AA meeting so I'm on my last legs...
I'm grateful for having written the last blog and gotten some response and even before that could feel a response somehow...someone said to me this is 'outwarding' rather than the 'inwarding' of journalling and I think that's true...it's a burst of hope into the universe...perhaps someone somewhere will hear me or perhaps even more important, perhaps I will hear me through attempting to communicate outward or something...
Also was amazed when I asked my husband if something was really wrong with me if he'd come back from his long trip away and he said yes.  It made me cry with gratitude.  Does that sound sad to you?  It might unless like me no one ever left anywhere for you ever when you were growing up and spent days you were sick on a sofa at home while everyone was at work or were left with a psycho babysitter so your mother and step father could pursue their careers, etc...Then that moment means a lot.
I looked at him yesterday and realized - oh my God, he is my family.  He is.  This was a revelation.
Grateful for that.
So, now to bed before I fall over onto the keyboard...
Oh no, wait I lied...just a moment to say how exciting it was to watch a group of students today, again first generation to university, etc., doing a short performance including little pieces of text, whispering to individual audience members, leaving us with little shards of text written on paper like gifts, intimacy, cutting up, different levels of address and speaking into a mirror, using the whole space, being brave, brave, brave...makes me cry when this happens, so gorgeous...
ok now...for real, over and out...